Rumor has it that C-Span is hoping to expand its audience by creating more engaging content. It is venturing into the reality TV business and will be airing “Impeachment.” The show offers weekly nominees for impeachment, but in a twist, also focuses on the battle for supremacy of the “impeachers.”
Other shows in the pipeline include: “”You’re Sanctioned: The F.B.I, The Least Wanted and Most Dangerous Organization in America,” and “Let’s Go Hunting for Hunter.” They are also feverishly working on a biopic entitled “Trump of Nazareth.”
A sneak preview of “Trump of Nazareth” has The Don giving his version of the Sermon on the Mount from his golf course in Mar-a-Lago, where he preaches his Bea-Lie-A-Tudes to his faithful. (Quotes are his actual words. Italics are my words.)
“Together, we’re warriors in a righteous crusade to stop the arsonists, the atheists, globalists, and the Marxists.”
In another scene he states: My indictments make me stronger and stronger. They are a “great badge of courage. I am being indicated for you.” (In other words, he is dying on the cross for them.)
Scenes include one of his acolytes screaming out from the crowd: But My Lord, how do you explain your time with Stormy Daniels?
My dear, God told me that I was going to confront a storm and I must say I was surprised when it came in the form of a Daniels, but I made quick work of it and became even more cleansed in the eyes of God.
What about the documents my Lord? And all those boxes. Why didn’t you return them?
Those boxes contained many documents bestowed upon me by the Lord. I was given the special task of sifting through them to find the most important of God’s teachings. God was challenging me to make sense of them, particularly the ones labeled “Beautiful Mind.” And now that I know his secrets, I can use my power to make more money.
I know there are so many questions, but trust and believe in me and I will deliver for you just like I did in putting justices in the supreme court to overturn Roe. Who else could have done that for you? I was God’s messenger delivering his desires to protect all life, but I need to go now as I’m teeing off in 5 minutes. God has promised me several holes-in-one and frankly, given all the work I’ve done for him, I deserve it.
In “You’re Sanctioned,” Congressman Adam Schiff is contestant number 1. Jim Jordan, is the MC of the show and introduces one of his Republican cronies to give opening remarks. The first episode opens with Ms Anna Paulina Luna of Florida.
“Adam Schiff launched an all-out political campaign built on baseless distortions against a sitting U.S. president.” The censure accused him of engaging in “falsehoods, misrepresentations and abuses of sensitive information.” According to rumor, Schiff requested to go on the show to defend himself but his request was denied. Rumor has it that when asked to comment about this Jim Jordan replied: Anyone whose last name is “Shifty” must be guilty.
The highlight of the show (after more vitriol and aspersion) is Paul Gosar (the last congressman to be sanctioned for a silly thing like creating a meme where he kills Alexandria Ocasio Cortez.) Gosar enters the stage and reveals a blow-up doll of Adam Schiff. The panelist yell “Sanction the blowhard, sanction him!
In “Hunting Hunter,” MAGA audience members are treated to sordid stories of Hunter Biden all over the world. Each week a doctored video of Hunter is presented where he is engaged in nefarious activities. One week has him entrenched in a Mexican drug cartel and another episode at a meeting with Russian oligarchs.
For my money, I am most excited about “Impeachment.” The first episode was a doozy. It featured marquee MAGA sensations MTG. and Lauren Boebert going at each other like two middle schoolers who have a crush on the same classmate. The fight was about MTG accusing Boebert of stealing her idea to propose impeaching Joe Biden. MTG was so incensed that she called Boebert a “little bitch” to her face on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives. The angry exchange came to a head after Boebert leveraged a procedural tool to force a vote on her own impeachment resolution within days—undercutting Greene, who had offered her own resolution, but not with the procedural advantages of forcing a vote.
“I’ve donated to you, I’ve defended you. But you’ve been nothing but a little bitch to me,” Greene told Boebert. And you copied my articles of impeachment after I asked you to cosponsor them.”
Rumor has it that Boebert challenged her to a duel and said: I’m a bitch? At least I’m not a traitor? I’m not the one sucking Kevin’s you-know-what. Rumor has it that MTG responded: “There isn’t room in this town for both of us, so let’s settle this the way Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr did. We are both carrying so let’s do it.” Ten paces back to back, bitch, and you’ll be sucking dirt!
The Grand Offal Party 