Forget TVs, headphones, jewelry or your own personal robot for presents this holiday. Why ask Santa for those things when you can ask Santos for his good wishes?
That’s right people, recently expunged congressman George Santos is taking his show on the road. For a small fee, America’s most famous congressional fabulist is turning his disgrace into opportunity and, for a small fee, is willing to record anything to make you feel better.
Rather than reflect on what just happened to him, he is cashing in on it. One can say it’s just turning lemons into lemonade. After all, to quote P.T. Barnum “A sucker is born every minute.”
It’s capitalism at its best. The genius of American entrepreneurship where any liar or cheat can become rich. The tobacco companies lied to us about the dangers of smoking; the oil companies lied (and continue to) about the impact of fossil fuels on the environment and the Sacklers lied about the addictive properties of opioids. Each of these nefarious engines of American capitalism made zillions of dollars while knowingly wreaking havoc, causing unimaginable misery and death to Americans. So I say to Mr. George Santos: Go for it. Have some fun, ho, ho, ho. At least you aren’t killing anyone.
Let’s see what George is selling in his cameos. Here’s one:
Here’s a few more.
“Hey, Sarah, sometimes work sucks. I mean, let’s talk about bad days, huh? Last Friday (expulsion day) wasn’t so great for me, either.” Sarah, did you really need George to comfort you? I guess compared to his public shame and loss of employment your day wasn’t really so bad. A little perspective goes a long way. Thank you George.”
“Hey, Harper! I love that you are such a dedicated student at N.Y.U.,” Mr. Santos says in one, before pausing, smirking and chuckling. “You know. My…not-so-real M.B.A. Rumor has it that right after he received the video, Harper cut all his classes telling a friend: “This guy got to congress by faking it, so why should I bother to work so hard?”.
“Hey, Jonny!” Mr. Santos, America’s most infamous Jew-ish fabulist, says in another. “Just wanted to stop by to wish you a Happy Hanukkah.” Rumor has it that Jonny really isn’t Jewish but just wanted to connect to someone who is Jew-ish. After all, during Hanukkah you get presents for 8 straight days. Take that X-Mas.
“Make sure you ignore the haters, just like I do, and everything will be fine,” Mr. Santos said in another video. He signed off with an air kiss and a grin. Sure thing George. These days lying to everyone about anything is cool ,so forget those haters who feel duped or betrayed. They’re just losers.
Cameo CEO Steve Galanis has reported that Santos has booked enough Cameo videos to earn six figures, topping the $174,000 salary he earned as a member of Congress. “The response has been amazing, and he’s getting even more popular as the days go on.”
Galanis attributes Santos’ success not only to the avalanche of recent media coverage, albeit negative, but also to the quality of his videos. “He’s so in the news right now, and the people who have done best in Cameo history have been in the zeitgeist at the moment,” Galanis said.
Fans who had sprung for a video from Santos seemed pleased, writing comments such as, “This is gold!! Hope you’re enjoying your new gig,” and “Fantastic job – quick turnaround and great quality that exceeded my expectations” on Santos’ Cameo profile page.
Somehow Santos has turned himself into a sympathetic figure. He has spun gold out of disaster. In America, the possibility for a second act runs eternal.
Santos is so successful that he is on his way to usurping Sarah Palin, who made so many videos that she exceeded her previous salary as governor of Alaska in 2021.
And now let’s move on to our friend Rudy G. who also has tried his luck making Cameos for cash, most notably his rendition of “I’m a Little Teapot.”
Rudy G was hit with a $148 million dollar settlement for defaming Georgia poll workers Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss. If you recall, he promulgated the lie that they were passing USB files to one another (like “drug dealers”) with the effect of moving votes from The Don to Biden. His false claims actions these hard working, patriotic poll-workers’ lives.
As a result of this egregious and damaging lie, the women, who are Black, and are mother and daughter, were soon flooded with expletive-laden phone calls and messages, threats, and racist attacks. People said they should be hanged for treason or lynched; others told them they fantasized about hearing the sound of their necks snapping.
They showed up at Ms. Freeman’s home. They tried to execute a citizen’s arrest of Ms. Moss at her grandmother’s house. They called Ms. Moss’s 14-year-old son’s cellphone so much that it interfered with his virtual classes, and he finished his first year of high school with failing grades.
Back in July, Rudy admitted he had lied about his statements and in August the court entered a judgment against him, holding him liable for those falsehoods. The only question left for the jury was the amount of the damages. A few days before the judgment was rendered, Rudy stood in front of the cameras and lied, defaming Ms. Moss and Ms. Freeman again. “I don’t regret a damn thing,” he said defiantly. After the judgment was rendered, Giuliani told reporters that his long-debunked allegations “were supportable and are supportable today.” He also told Newsmax that “he was in possession of video evidence demonstrating the truth of his allegations.”
Guess what Rudy? You are being sued again for defamation by Ms. Moss and Ms. Freeman. Have you no shame? You are just like your buddy Don, who after losing a defamation case to Jeanne Carrol (who he sexually assaulted) defamed her again and is being sued a second time.
It seems Rudy doesn’t care much about how much financial damage he incurs because he claims he has no money and is declaring bankruptcy. Frankly, I hope when he loses the next suit the jury will not only demand further financial damages, but require him to do public service Cameo videos where his pants fall down and he says: “My lies have ruined lives. My lives have ruined lives. My lies have ruined lives. “ I bet a lot of people will be happy to pay for that!
The Grand Offal Party 