Before we begin, I am posting this inspired response that Congresswoman, Jasmine Crockett gave on the floor of the House of Representatives. Speaking truth to power, she shows us what a true warrior for equity and social justice sounds like. She should inspire us all to keep fighting and not let the heinous injustices that exist (and may well get worse) weaken our spirit and demoralize us.
Now to the piece.
Oh well, poor Matt Gaetz decided to withdraw his nomination for Attorney General. Rumor has it that the last straw was the phone call he received from South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem who told him she loved the foaming-at-the-mouth mad dog thing, but if he didn’t withdraw, she would have to do to him what she did to her dog.
Gaetz said the reason he withdrew was that he didn’t want to be a distraction for The Don (I think it was because he didn’t want the report of his sexual exploits made public?). That’s funny, I thought his nomination was The Don’s attempt to sow chaos and distraction. Nominating Gaetz is like telling your family that you are bringing home an untrained lion. The family freak outs and begs you not to; when you agree and bring home a poisonous tarantula, they say “Yay, we have a pet tarantula.” Turns out the tarantula’s name is Pam Bondi, a total MAGA maniac (more about her later). With this cast of low-lifes, it wouldn’t be surprising if Bondi isn’t an endearment for Bondage.
The Don just likes to use his power to make us squirm and wild with outrage. While we freaked out and bellowed: “How sick is this? Matt Gaetz? Are you shitting me? He just picked Gaetz?” The Don is laughing and feeling like a master puppeteer. Actually, I think the Don was disappointed by this turn of events because one, he doesn’t like to be thwarted and most importantly, he was looking forward to having some fun with Gaetz and fellow sexual assaulter Peter Hegseth (Secretary of Defense nominee.) Rumor has it that when he realized he would have to withdraw, he told a White House staffer: “Me and Peter are really going to miss him at our Saturday Night White House Parties. Who knows, maybe he will sneak him in through the back door as the man has great connections.”
Now that Gaetz is no longer a congressman, he has to get a job (maybe as a dispatcher for a prostitution ring?). Rumor has it that when he officially withdrew he bitched and moaned: “It’s so fucked up and unfair. Trump gets to be president after The Access Hollywood tape, is found guilty of sexual assault, AND he gets to be president again? Totally fucking unfair! All I have to say is: ‘Man this country is plagued with double standards’!”
Before I pivot from this sordid world, I want to give a shout out to RFK Jr. who earlier this year texted an apology to his family’s nanny for sexually assaulting her some years ago. How would that go? Remember me? Hope u r well and life is treating you well. As you must know, I’m getting a really important job. If you need any assistance with, u know, mental health stuff, I’ll hook you up with the best. Sorry. -R.
Rumor has it that when The Don heard of the apology he said: “WTF? You apologized? It makes me reconsider whether you have the kahunas to do the job. Guilt is not an option when doing mean shit.”
Let us not forget that Elon Musk was accused by a flight attendant in 2016 of exposing his genitals, and attempting to bribe her with expensive gifts to perform sexual acts. That must have been one long trip for the flight attendant. Perhaps when he got really desperate he offered to take her to mars? Even that didn’t work after she had one look at his testicles.
Newly nominated Secretary of Education, Linda McMahon, may be asked to join in the party scene at The White House. Turns out that McMahon, The Don’s choice for education secretary, has been in a recent lawsuit for failing to stop a ringside announcer for World Wrestling Entertainment from grooming and sexually abusing children in the 1980s and 1990s. Allegations that underage boys were abused by employees have dodged the organization for decades. Given all the changes she plans to implement in the Department of Education, (more about that later) I wonder how this is going to change the sex education curriculum.
The lawsuit cites a raft of other complaints of sexual harassment and abuse around W.W.E. over the years. Among them are hush money payments of more than $12 million that her husband, Vince McMahon, was accused of making to four women to suppress allegations of sexual misconduct against him. Now that I think of it, Matt Gaetz should give him a call to get some tips to ready him for an interview for the dispatcher job. I am beginning to think that resumes submitted for cabinet positions, in addition to topics like education and work experience, include a category for history of sexual assault. Now that I think of that, I realize there are no resumes (maybe a stint at Fox News?) needed. The questionnaire candidates have to answer only has one question: Will you do what those underage boys were asked to do?
Moving on from the reality show “Bros of the White House,” to the newest remake of Oz, we find a cast of new characters whom I will introduce you to. Do you remember the scene when Toto exposes the wizard behind the curtain? Dorothy, who has gone through quite an ordeal trying to get the witches broom for the wizard (who has promised her he will help her get back to Kansas if he brings it to him), is very annoyed to see that the wizard is but a man. She barks “I think you are a very bad man.” The wizard is a bit stunned to hear this from Dorothy and responds “Oh, no, my dear; I’m really a very good man, but I’m a very bad Wizard, I must admit.”
I can’t attest to whether or not Dr. Oz, (who was nominated to head CMS, which oversees Medicare, Medicaid and the Affordable Care Act), is a good man, but he definitely is no wizard; but like the wizard, he pretends to be something he is not. The Don thinks all of his appointees are wizards though they are really more like those scary flying monkeys who do the bidding of the Wicked Witch. However, the monkeys deserve credit, as when they are out of the witches spell, they turn out to be friendly and decent, thrilled to be out of the witches grip. That doesn’t happen in The Don’s world. Menacing all the way. If you start to get too nice or have second thoughts about performing one’s duties, you go to monkey hell. The Don, who thinks Oz, is the cat’s pajamas, (after all, he does have 9 Emmys!) said Oz would “work closely with Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to take on the illness industrial complex, and all the horrible chronic diseases left in its wake.” That’s one bigly task.
Oz will fit right in to The Don’s grifting operation. He has a history of hawking products that have no real benefit. A decade ago, he went before a Senate panel and was chastised for hyping so-called miracle weight loss products without substantial proof that they worked. Oz has also frequently clashed with other medical experts. In the early days of the pandemic, he promoted the malaria drugs hydroxychloroquine to ward off the coronavirus, medicines that were shown to be ineffective in treating the virus. On the bright side, he didn’t promote drinking bleach as a cure.
The Don has been disappointed in his bible and watch sales, and is looking for some new products to hawk, so don’t be surprised if The Don and Oz form a company called For Men Who Want to Rule. Rumor has it that Oz is in the development stage of a new product and The Don is on board. It is a one-stop miracle. It is a pill for men that guarantees their hair will grow back in a week and turns unwanted flab into a six-pack in two weeks. With the purchase you get a personal letter signed by Joe Rogan, officially welcoming you into “Bro-World.” The pill also acts as hypnotic qualities and can act as an hallucinogen. According to Oz, after taking the pill for a few days, you start hearing the voice of Steve Bannon who tells you to “burn it down.”
What about the old money-back guarantee if you don’t get the desired results? Tough shit. There is no way you will get your money back because if it doesn’t work it’s the customers fault. If you complain the Pam Bondi will send one of her flying monkeys after you. will make your life miserable. In this land of Oz, rather than going from black and white to color, color is washed out and it fades to darkness. Let me go back to where I started with whether or not Dr. Oz is a bad man. Are scam artists bad. Are people who prey on vulnerable people and use their expertise to make millions of dollars selling false cures bad? I think scum is most fitting.
A former Wisconsin congressman and Fox Business host, Sean Duffy, was selected by President-elect Donald J. Trump on Monday to lead the Transportation Department.
“Sean will use his experience, and the relationships he has built over many years in Congress, to rebuild our nation’s infrastructure and usher in a golden age of travel.” WTF? Are we, with Elon’s help, going to be living in the age of the Jetsons that soon? I never that I would see that in my lifetime. Gives me goosebumps. Until they figure that one out, rumor has it that Duffy’s first task will be less “golden” and more dystopian, as he tries to figure out how to get enough vehicles to deport millions of people.
Lee Zeldin, nominated for head of the E.P.A. has promised to make every town’s water like Flint Michigan. The Don has vowed that the United States will have the “cleanest air and water on the planet” even as he seeks to repeal environmental regulations. Classic Don. Say you are going to save us while wreaking havoc.
You don’t need to be an expert on the environment to know that removing regulations can have grave consequences for health. The Biden administration put in place guidelines for acceptable levels of potent “forever” chemicals, referred to as PFAS, that have been linked to a range of serious health conditions, including kidney and testicular cancer, thyroid disease, birth defects, and fertility issues.
Sounds ominous, and seems it might raise an eyebrow even to his most loyal adherents. But then again, The Don has the power of persuasion, so don’t be surprised if his minions say things like: “The left is trying to take our chemicals away. We will not stand for it.” After all, many still insist that January 6th was an invitation-only picnic at the Capitol. This seems like the reverse of the scene in The Wizard of Oz when the witch puts them to sleep in the poppy fields and Glinda wakes them. In this Oz story, the witch uses chemicals to kill you and there ain’t no Glinda.
The Don picked Brendan Carr to head the FCC. He.will oversee the agency that regulates U.S. internet access and communications networks such as TV and radio. Carr believes it’s an institution ripe for change, according to the chapter he wrote in Project 2025 about the FCC.
Carr refused to stand up when Trump threatened to take away the broadcast licenses of TV stations for daring to fact-check him during the campaign. Sounds like The Don’s kind of guy.
Carr has also made it clear he actually wants the FCC to get more involved in policing online speech. He agrees with the incoming administration promising to go after Big Tech and punish TV networks for political bias. Rumor has it that he floated the idea of making Fox News the equivalent of Russian TV. He also will ban The Wizard of Oz as he hates the fact that the witch doesn’t prevail. No “Hail Dorothy and ding dong the witch is dead” for him.
We are finally back to Linda McMahon. Here’s The Don on his choice for head of the Department of Education “We will send Education BACK TO THE STATES, and Linda will spearhead that effort.” In Don’s world everything goes back to the states and then we won’t need a federal government. Maybe we should also let certain blue states (since they have to do everything themselves) keep their tax revenue since the government doesn’t need any money. Man, is that going to fuck up all the red states that depend on the tax revenue generated by the blue states. Maybe when Mississippi becomes a failing state it will come to its senses and turn blue!
There has been lots of talk about abolishing the Department of Education. I don’t think she’ll have a problem with that as she ran the WWE for many years, where all you had to know as a wrestler were the words: “I’m coming for you and I’m going to rip your head off.”
America has become dumbed down, and it is only going to get worse. The Republicans will have the country right where it wants it. It’s the perfect formula for autocracy. The government can roll out its new education initiative: Critical thinking is for idiots. Reading is boring so we will ban all books but the Bible and positive stories about the president. Just listen to the Orange guy as he knows everything and will take care of it all. Don’t listen at your own risk.
During her eight-year tenure, Pam Bondi, tried unsuccessfully to overturn and weaken the Affordable Care Act and opposed expanding legal protections for the L.G.B.T.Q. community. She was part of The Don’s defense team during his first impeachment trial and supported his false claims of fraud following the 2020 election. She’s remained in Trump’s orbit since then, continuing to advise him on legal matters.
In 2023 on Fox News, Bondi said “When Republicans take back the White House, and we will be back in there in 18 months or less, you know what’s going to happen? The Department of Justice, the prosecutors will be prosecuted — the bad ones — the investigators will be investigated. Because the deep-state last term for President Trump, they were hiding in the shadows. But now, they have a spotlight on them and they can all be investigated … We can clean house next term and that’s what has to happen.”
Don’t be fooled as Bondi looks like Glinda but really is the wicked witch. I believe the line she will be remembered for is “I’ll get you my pretty and all your prosecutors, investigators, and Trump bashers, too!”
This isn’t going to be MGM’s Wizard of Oz. It will be more like the Mad Max version. You won’t find those adorable munchkins, but they’ll be even more flying monkeys. I would like to believe that like in the Wizard of Oz, it all turns out to be a bad dream and we will wake up and say “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.” That’s why it’s a movie; escaping the darkness won’t be as simple as tapping your heels. Witches will need to be neutered and lots of monkeys need to be liberated. Hey, maybe we can get some of that deregulated water thrown at them all and say: “They’re melting. They’re melting.”
The Grand Offal Party 