The recent national security leak was outrageous and caused a real kerfuffle, even in the ranks of some Republicans. Though seething off-camera, The Don is calling it all a fake news attack on his administration and has, at least up to this point, refused to hold the clowns who created this mess accountable. As they say, when you put clowns in charge of things, you get a clown show.
Below is a my version of a conversation that happened after the initial conversation was exposed by Jeffrey Goldberg of The Atlantic magazine. Goldberg was so surprised to be included in the chat that included secret and classified military plans to bomb the Houthis in Yemen, that he thought it was fake and generated by A.I. Well, turns out it was bombs away.
J.D. VANCE: Can you believe how the Democrats are freaking out about this Houthis thing?
PETE HEGSETH: Best troll over.
VANCE : It’s a great distraction. While they are wringing their hands and whining, no one will notice that we are partying at Hooters. Houthis. Hooters. Haha.
HEGSETH: Now that’s some nifty word play, J.D. What a hoot. They got some damn hot bombshell servers. Or as they say: They are the bombs!
WALTZ: What time do the festivities begin? Got to make sure my wife has some plans. You know what I mean?
VANCE: Totally. I have an image as a diehard Christian that I have to keep going.
HEGSETH: No worries guys. I am the director of playing with bombshells. Damn, even my own mother outed me about that. Of course, she rescinded her statement after I threatened to kill her. But all that shit that they accused me of was true; and that ain’t the half of it. So I know the pitfalls of an operation like this, even though I haven’t always avoided them.. Speaking of bombshells, did you see that dog killer Kristie Noem down at the prison in El Salvador? She was hooter- hot.
MARCO RUBIO: Come on Pete, let’s not get too carried away here.
HEGSETH Hey Tulsi, you okay with me calling Kristie hot?
TULSI GABBARD: Sure, she is. I’m just pissed you didn’t say that about me because I am the bomb.
HEGSETH: Sorry Tulsi, because you are definitely the bomb.
VANCE: How about you and Tulsi do your thing on another chat? Because we need to figure this out pronto. So what’s the signal that it’s time to engage with the bombs?
HEGSETH: The signal on “Signal” will be a smiley face and a giant ice cream cone- that’s when you make your first move. BTW, my intel says there is a backroom that is for special customers.
WALTZ: Recon work. I love it.,
HEGSETH: Well, after all, it is a military operation. I am also having one of my people make sure there are no D.E.I. hires there. If there are, I’ll make sure they get the day off when we go.
VANCE: And while you’re at it, have someone look into this crap about these bombshells being supportive to gay and trans people.
HEGSETH: WTF? That’s depressing, JD. Don’t worry, we will straighten that shit out, like we banned trans people in the military.
HEGSETH: You think we should include the Orange Jesus in this? After all, he is the bomb when it comes to knowing good bombshells. Not to mention with Melania far away, he may need some.
VANCE: Personally, I don’t think this is intel he should be privy to because, you know, he isn’t the most discrete. He can’t be trusted with top secret information. I mean even though The Mar-a-lago document thing was a witch-hunt, who keeps documents that say “Top Secret” on the floor next to the toilet bowl cleaner. Right?
RUBIO: Can’t argue with that. I mean if I were to steal shit like that I would at least create a filing cabinet called “Top Secret” and put it in my basement.
HEGSETH: I agree fellas. But if he finds out we didn’t invite him, he may get pissed. But I think it’s a risk we need to take.
RUBIO: Hey Walzie, I’m looking over the contacts on this list. Who is D.C.?
WALTZ: Oh, that’s funny. I never did delete Don Corelone’s number. We used to do some favors for one another.
VANCE: Umm, Walzie, Don Corleone is a fictional character from that Scorcese film, “The Godfather.” Do you write to him often?
Walzie: Haha! I’m not that crazy, It’s just a code name for someone else who I would rather not mention. But make no mistake: He is one badass,.
HEGSETH: I think it’s kind of cool to include D.C. I bet the President would like that, if he knew about this. I mean after all, he loves that mafia stuff; he is a Don Corleone fan. You know: “I’m going to make you a deal you can’t refuse.” It’s like what he is doing with Ukraine and Greenland. By the way J.D., when’s your visit there? And why the fuck are we stalling on our operation to do you know what? It will be a hoot!
VANCE: On my way to Air Force 2 as we chat. When I get back we will set the date to find some bombshells so we can begin our assault.
HEGSETH: Nothing like a good old fashion invasion. My motto is “make ‘em beg for mercy and fuck collateral damage”. And with that I’ll say “over and out.”
RUBIO: Copy that.
Waltz: Copy that.
VANCE: I’ll send pics from Greenland. Bombs away. Can’t wait to get back so we can start our hootenanny.
The Grand Offal Party 