On Sunday, the Easter bunny- the symbol of fertility, new life, and resurrection, hopped its way onto the White House lawn. E.B was overwhelmed. “I just thought I was here to have some fun with some kids, model procreation, and return to my carrot patch. But if you ask me, something smells rotten in the kingdom. The smell of sin is making me want to vomit. And one more thing: why was I included in this guy Hegseth’s email chain where he talks about bombing some country?Okay, I admit that I may steal some carrots once in a while, but bombs? I’m for peace and love. Speaking of love, there is a lot of talk about maybe paying mothers for having babies. Given the old adage: “fuck like rabbits,” I’m open to a new cabinet position as Procreator-in Chief.
Maybe it was the rotting eggs that created that stench. By mistake, Elon Musk and his DOGE NO GOODNIKs slashed the White House budget for eggs and the staff planning the Easter event had to use rotten eggs. The Don wasn’t fazed as he told his staff: “Just paint them pretty colors and no one will notice they stink; and if anyone says as much as a pew, show them a photo of those subhuman criminals in the El Salvadoran prisons and make sure you show them the one with Kristin Noem in it as she is one hot tamale- she just makes the picture, doesn’t she? As an aside, “I can’t help mentioning that pew is also a word that describes a bench in a church.”
Funny thing (well, maybe not so funny?) happened after Pope Francis met J.D Vance on Easter: He died the next day. I’m no conspiracy theorist, so make of that what you will. But I will say, Pope Francis was no fan of J.D. Vance and his boss. The Pope had stated: “How much contempt is stirred up at times towards the vulnerable, the marginalized, and migrants!” Yes, you J.D. These days evil seems to be winning, so maybe Vance’s presence pushed the fragile and recently hospitalized Pope over the edge? Rumor has it that while exchanging niceties, the Pope leaned over and whispered: “J.D. there’s a place for people like you and your boss and it ain’t where I’m going”. As I said, I’m no conspiracy theorist.”
Before Easter’s arrival, the White House issued a statement that must have caused a group orgasm across the Evangelical community. The Don and Melania (an immigrant herself, who rumor has it it, was forced to show up to the White House or face possible deportation) said they were celebrating “the living Son of God who conquered death, freed us from sin, and unlocked the gates of Heaven for all of humanity.”
The Don proclaimed that this would be “one of the great Easters ever.” Rumor has it that he turned to Melania and whispered: “Sorry Jesus, is this not one of the great ones, but the greatest Easter ever? It’s even better than the resurrection itself, because I am Jesus in living flesh, not some guy who got hung two thousand years ago. He was hung and like John McCain, who got caught, you were a loser. An assassin’s bullet could not kill me, so tell me: Who is more impressive?”
According to the press that was present, there was prayer “in Jesus’ name” proclaimed from the Cabinet Room. Hands stretched out in the Oval Office, as pastors invoke Bible passages about how kings are established by God. Music to The Don’s ears. If you recall, after the assassination attempt, Mr. Trump said he had been saved from death by “the grace of almighty God.”
David Kubal, a religious leader in the White House said that The Don seems “more resolute” (in his beliefs). “It seems as if he is striving to accomplish God’s mission for him, and not just accomplish an achievement.” That’s quite a transformation for a guy who has never looked at anything in his life as more than a transaction where he comes out on top.
What, my dear pastor, would be God’s mission for him?
Which brings me to Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski’s statement at a conference in Anchorage that “We are all afraid.” After which she paused for a moment, as if considering the solemnity of her statement, before continuing: “It’s quite a statement. But we are in a time and a place where I certainly have not been here before. I’ll tell you, I’m often times very anxious myself about using my voice, because retaliation is real. And that’s not right.” I have to figure out how I can do my best to help the many who are so anxious and are so afraid.”
Thank you Senator Murkowski for speaking truth to power and defining God’s mission for The Don, which is to make the citizens of this country live in fear and chaos. Frankly, the Don is dangerous enough without being buttered up by his religious gurus that reinforce his grandiose and delusional that he it is God’s will that he “Save America.” The malignant delusionalist has God on his side. Call me crazy, but from my point of view, that translate into the devil is running our country.
The utter hypocrisy is what I detest about organized religion. These people, who have The Don’s ear, are supporting a convicted criminal and a rapist. They are supporting one of America’s great grifters, who has ripped off people his entire life. They are supporting an inveterate liar who has no sense of decency nor a shred of empathy or morality. They are supporting a man whose desire for retribution and revenge flies in the face of Jesus’ “turn the other cheek.” Talk about using God’s name in vain. If there is a God, the idea that he would be praising and supporting an amoral man, who could care less about anyone, would make God go “Pew!”.
Here we have people championing a man who is literally killing people by not providing food and essential medicine to the needy because of the dissolution agencies that worked so hard to save lives.
Here we have people championing a man threatening to cut Medicaid that will make it impossible for many to get life saving healthcare. Hey, I have an idea. In an attempt to save money from social security and increase deportation numbers, I suggest deporting senior citizens. I mean how easy would that be? No chasing down nefarious immigrants. No searching for tattoos or Chicago Bulls caps and jerseys. Just drive over to Century Village in Florida or hang out at restaurants that have “Early Bird Specials.” Talk about ripe for the picking. I’m sorry sir, I know you want to finish your baked potato, but we need to go. Mam, I know you were looking forward to that ice cream sundae, but time is of the essence. And then of course, there are those endless Bingo games; but in these games, when you yell bingo, they take you out to an unmarked van, show you a photo of Kristin Noem and tell you Florida has nothing on San Salvador. Anyway, the old timers are just taking up space and we are wasting our money on them. They are going to die soon anyway. Save money, increase deportation. Now that’s what I call a win-win situation.
We have people championing a man who is destroying livelihoods and creating financial turmoil with tariffs that will wreak havoc on our economy.
We have people championing a man who whisks away Americans and sends them to a foreign country without any due process, with the prospect that they can spend the rest of their lives in prison, though none have been legally convicted of a crime.
We have people championing a man who is trying to destroy our education system. I guess that makes sense since it is run by heathens, who believe that increasing our knowledge and understanding of the world, is a good thing. This is threatening to those who believe the only knowledge worth knowing is what the bible tells us.
When it comes down to it. The ultimate purpose of these religious influencers is to create a country where White Christian Supremacy rules and the rest of us are relegated to persons non grata. And their penultimate goal is to prepare the world for judgement day when all the believers get to go to finally join the holy father in heaven, leaving the rest of us to burn in hell for not believing. To repeat, I am not a conspiracy theorist.
And the fear we are feeling, the fear Senator Murkowski is talking about is palpable because a dangerous man is being given even more power by those who believe he is some religious vessel. But like the bunny, the people are beginning to smell something rotten, an oozing stench. We are afraid because destruction and cruelty is the point. We are afraid because when there are no longer court decisions that matter and only The Don and God’s will in charge, we all become the oppressed and prisoners. “We are all afraid.”
The Grand Offal Party 