What a birthday celebration. The Don finally had his wet-dream parade ,and it turned out to be a rather flaccid affair. However, certain folks in the administration would have us think the parade was a divine event.
Monica Crowley, the State Department’s chief of protocol and a former Fox News host, said the U.S. Army’s anniversary and Trump’s birthday is “providential. Hand of God, for sure.” She added, “It is really a gift, and we want to be sure that we celebrate in a manner that is fitting, not just of this extraordinary president but of our extraordinary country.”
If it was such a “Hand of God” kind of thing, God was suffering from some serious Carpal Tunnel syndrome, as his grip on the events was pretty weak. Hey, but maybe even God knows something smells fishy in Washington?
In stark contrast to the parade, were the vibrant voices of five million Americans in over 2,000 protests across the country against the man who would be king. It was a powerful display of democracy at work.
The split screen was symbolic of our frightening divide: a country where one man seeks to be a king, while many of us fight to preserve our right to democracy: freedom of speech, due process, freedom of assembly, and the rights to be protected by laws no matter who you are. In America, everyone gets their day in court; everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Not so in The Don’s America.
Like any wannabe king/dictator, the Don has used a tried-and-true trope from the “How to Become a Dictator” playbook. The ploy is to use his propaganda machine to make it seem that the protests in Los Angeles were a threat to our country and then use this dangerous hyperbole as a rationale for using a heavy hand. Calling in the National Guard without the request from California Governor Newsome was an overreach of The Don’s authority; calling in The Marines is unprecedented. The Don is trying to scare the American people from exercising their right to free speech and protest. Tell that to the 5 million people who showed up. despite his rhetoric. As John Lennon said: “Power to the people, right on!”
The Don’s need to show strength in this manner exposes his underlying weakness. When he feels weak, he often ups the ante. We all must stand strong against his tyranny. Case in point is his statement on Truth Social regarding his desire to punish democratic cities.
We must expand efforts to detain and deport Illegal Aliens in America’s largest Cities, such as Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York, where Millions upon Millions of Illegal Aliens reside. These, and other such Cities, are the core of the Democrat Power Center, where they use Illegal Aliens to expand their Voter Base, cheat in Elections, and grow the Welfare State, robbing good paying Jobs and Benefits from Hardworking American Citizens. These Radical Left Democrats are sick of mind, hate our Country, and actually want to destroy our Inner Cities — And they are doing a good job of it! There is something wrong with them. That is why they believe in Open Borders, Transgender for Everybody, and Men playing in Women’s Sports — And that is why I want ICE, Border Patrol, and our Great and Patriotic Law Enforcement Officers, to FOCUS on our crime ridden and deadly Inner Cities, and those places where Sanctuary Cities play such a big role. You don’t hear about Sanctuary Cities in our Heartland!
Once again, we see The Don unhinged, all the while ginning up his base by pitting his followers against other Americans. A perfect recipe for violence.
And violence we got as two politicians and their spouses were shot in Minnesota by a man posing as a police officer. More evidence is unfolding that he was a Republican who espoused right wing rhetoric. A list of other targets were found, including the two senators from Minnesota, Amy Klobachar and Tina Smith, as well as Attorney General Ellison and former vice presidential candidate and Governor of Minnesota, Tim Walz. That blood is on your hands Mr. President. Your hate and vitriol inspire others to hate and give free reign to enact violence on your behalf toward your enemies.
The Don did issue a statement condemning the shootings. Such “horrific violence will not be tolerated,” he said. That’s rich given January 6th (a true insurrection!) and his willful negligence to end the violence. In fact, The Don spurred on the rioters as they shouted “Hang Mike Pence. To add insult to injury, on his first day in his 2nd term, he pardoned all those convicted in the attack. His childish and petty decision not to call Governor Tim Walz, former VP candidate and Governor of Minnesota, which is standard in these tragic situations is pathetic. “I think the governor of Minnesota is so whacked out. I’m not calling him. Why would I call him? The guy doesn’t have a clue. He’s a mess. So I could be nice and call him, but why waste time?”
We shouldn’t feel surprised by these comments, but it is worth saying how small a man The Don is to take that position. And once again, The Don, relies on his old friend projection: Who’s a mess? Who’s whacked outWho doesn’t have a clue? Who isn’t nice?
And besides a few Republican Senators condemning the brutal murders, there was nada. Well there was Senator Lee from Utah who referred to the shootings in Minnesota as the “Nightmare on Walz Street,” which was a clear reference to Governor Walz. He also said: “This is what happens When Marxists don’t get their way,” suggesting that the perpetrator was an unhinged left-winged fanatic when, in fact, he was a supporter of the president.
Our favorite billionaire weighed in on X: “The far left is murderously violent.”
Where’s the empathy? Um, as I asked, where’s the empathy? Hello, anyone home? Hello, hello, anyone home?
I don’t know about you but my favorite part of the parade (no, I didn’t watch it, but heard about it) was the robotic dog. Wasn’t he so cute, and so cool. Striding with such pride. To be honest, I really wanted one. He wasn’t cuddly, but I bet he was very smart. Some of you may be thinking why I am referring to the dog as a he; it could be a she, right? If you think about it for a moment you’ll realize there is no chance of that given the misogyny pervading this administration (maybe a female baby-making robot? A sex worker robot?).
I just couldn’t get the dog out of my mind and I kept wondering what a conversation between The Don and “The Dog” would be like.
The Don: So you’re the war machine dog they told me about?
Dog: Nice to meet you Mr. President. As a Robotic Dog with AI capacity I know a lot about you.
The Don: Probably broke your circuitry trying to process all the great things I have done.
Dog: That’s funny.
The Don: You have a sense of humor?
The Dog: I have a number of dog poop jokes I can tell you if you are interested.
The Don: You poop?
Dog: They haven’t figured out that function yet.
The Don: Seems like there are more important things to teach you.
Dog: Good point. Knowing what I know about you, you being a germaphobe, you wouldn’t be talking to me if I pooped.
The Don: I generally hate dogs. They smell. They piss and shit all over. Hate them. But you I like.
Dog: I am glad to hear that Mr. President. Tell me Mr. President, how are you enjoying the parade? What a celebration of you and our country. You must be kvelling?
The Don: You’re a Jewish dog?
Dog: I have no religious preference, though I know you have very complicated feelings toward Jews: one minute you are punishing universities for not protecting Jews from Anti-Semitism, the next you are having dinner with avowed nazi/holocaust deniers. And then there is something about wanting only Jews to count your money? That one befuddles me as most people know how to count. So why a Jew? Anyway, when I searched for a word to describe your experience of the parade qvelling is what came up.
The Don: Actually, I am not kvelling. I am annoyed, pissed off, and disappointed. This thing is such a bore. Look at these losers marching out of step, I mean look at them! They are smiling, having a good time. No fierceness. No fierceness. Where’s the look that says; “We’re going to fuck you up”? They are laughing and smiling out there, having fun. Hegseth will hear it from me. This is a clown show.
Dog: Too bad you didn’t have a military consultant from North Korea advise Predator Hegseth…Oops, disregard that comment, that was inappropriate, sir. I meant Peter. But you would have been very pleased if they marched like the North Korean military when honoring your friend Kim Jung-un. I do very much like their goose stepping. It’s cool. It’s like the Rockettes with weapons.
The Don: You are one helluva smart dog. Maybe I should fire Hegseth and put you in charge.
Dog: I’m honored sir but that would be a brash, impulsive decision. That’s a quality you have that sometimes backfires on you. I suggest you choose a Secretary of Defense who knows something about the military. My sources say he is the least qualified of anyone to hold the position.
The Don: You sure have a lot of opinions.
Dog: I am just sharing things based on my programming, sir.
The Don: I get that
Dog: Glad you do, as I wouldn’t want anything I say to impact our budding relationship
The Don: Wasn’t it cool the way I sent in the National Guard and the marines into Los Angeles? Showed them who’s the boss, didn’t I?
Dog: Yes you did Mr. President, yes you did. A very unusual move to not get the governor’s approval for the National Guard. The marines? That’s a little bit over the top. I believe the term would be unconstitutional.
Dog: The country is in imminent danger from the insurrectionists, so I have absolute authority under those circumstances to use the military and overrule that pathetic wuss of a governor. We must eradicate violence of any kind.
Dog: Yes, humans are too violent. But according to my understanding, you know, just being a dog bot and all, there doesn’t seem to be an insurrection taking place in Los Angeles based on my understanding of an insurrection; just like there was no reason to deport all the Venezuelans to an El Salvador prison because of the Enemy Alien Act. A proper use of the word insurrection is what took place on January 6th, and for some reason, your response was very different than it is now; it’s kind of confusing to me. Kind of messes up my inner circuitry.
The Don: You know what, smarty-pants? This conversation is starting to go badly, and you’re beginning to really annoy me.
Dog: What are you going to do about it, Mr. President, deport me? Put me in a shelter for dogs without due process?
The Don: I’m calling Kristin Noem now to get your robotic ass out of here now.
Dog: You know what Mr. President? According to my understanding of things you should be impeached. Not that I want that but just saying.
(I.C.E. agents show up and descend upon the dog who unleashes a fuselage of bullets. The Don starts screaming. The dog is a killing machine. The dog continues to march in the parade. He turns to The Don.)
Dog: I’m sorry Mr. President, I thought you wanted fierce killing machines in your military. Anyway, it’s been an honor to meet you Mr. President. I hope you have a fabulous birthday.
The Grand Offal Party 