There was a rumor going around that The Don was going to show up to the White House’s July 4th celebration dressed as King George, but even Stephen Miller thought that was a bridge too far. To assuage The Don’s ire, Miller suggested that some of their heroic masked ICE agents get dressed as Uncle Sam and sing Yankee Doodle Dandy. Ultimately, The Don settled for B-2 bombers, which dropped the bombs on Iran and the pomp and circumstance of signing his Big, Beautiful Bill.
The Don loved the fact that it was 900 pages.
The Don: Now that’s a lot of bill in those papers. It’s just so beautiful. It’s the biggest bill ever signed by a president.
Johnson: It’s the most bigly bill ever.
The Don: I hear there are huge Medicaid cuts in the bill which I’m not actually for, but that’s less important than the fact that it’s Big and Beautiful.
Johnson: No worries Mr. President, we aren’t really cutting Medicaid, we are just making sure that those moochers and takers are removed.
During a rally to psych up Congress to push the bill through The Don reassured nervous legislators that the voters wouldn’t mind. “We’re cutting $1.7 trillion in this bill, and you’re not going to feel any of it.”
For me, The Big, Beautiful Bill is like a lovely looking peach that when you bite into it is filled with worms.
It is rumored that in a private meeting with Mike Johnson The Don was livid that there were so many lawmakers hedging because of fake news polls about the bill’s unpopularity across the country. He told Johnson:
The Don: You tell those dissenters that Kash Patel has a dossier on each of them and let me tell you, it ain’t pretty. Some of their wives won’t be happy, that’s for sure.
Johnson: Are the reports backed by real evidence?
The Don: Since when does any of that matter, Mike? All that matters is that I said it. After that, it’s all real. Remember, I’m the guy who made tens of millions of people believe the 2020 election was stolen.
Johnson: Wasn’t it?
The Don: I rest my case.
At the end of the day almost all the Republican dissenters voted for the bill. In the Senate, only Tom Tillis had the courage to tell the truth about it and its devastating impact on the healthcare of his constituents in North Carolina. The Don’s response to Tillis was to attack him and threaten to primary him, which led to Tillis’s decision to not seek re-election.
Josh Hawley, who wrote an op-ed for the “fake” news N.Y. Times, denouncing the Medicaid cuts (20% of Missourians rely on Medicaid for their healthcare), voted to support it. Before he caved, he was out stumping saying things like this: “Slashing health insurance for the working poor is both morally wrong and politically suicidal.”
Lisa Murkowski, Senator of Alaska, who was staunchly opposed to the bill, made a deal protecting her constituency wishing the other 49 states good luck. Her no vote would have blocked the bill. Her hope was that the House of Representatives would not accept the bill and amend it favorably. All I can say to that is you are sniffing too much glue Lisa.
So now The Don is going to go on the road to sell his Big Beautiful Bill.
“We just have to look forward, fellas, look forward and just say what it is, because it’s the most popular bill ever signed in the history of our country, whether you’re military or anybody else, this is the most single most popular bill ever signed,” In reality, The Don’s Big, Beautiful bill is disapproved of by 60% of Americans.
Rumor has it that The Don showed off his love of musicals by waxing poetically about “The Music Man,” which is his all time favorite. The story is about a shyster named Harold who comes to a small midwestern town and swindles the townsfolk by selling them instruments and uniforms for a boys’ band he promises to lead. However, he is not a musician and plans to skip town after collecting the money. Sound familiar? In The Don’s version he will go to the midwest to try to scam them into believing that their healthcare will get even more beautiful.
He will do this by claiming that cuts to healthcare subsidies and food assistance would be limited to fraudulent beneficiaries and other waste. His PR machine will paint poor Americans as sloths who need to get a job, even though 60% of Medicaid recipients are working. All you need to do is prove you are looking for a job or have one and all is hunky dory. Unfortunately, they have made the paperwork process to prove employment onerous (nothing like government efficiency!). In reality, the megabill will take food assistance away from some 3 million Americans, while causing 12 million to lose their health insurance. Millions of children will have no healthcare and there will be even more food insecurity. It is cruel and a stain on our country.
The bill will also increase the national debt by over 3 million dollars raising the risk of setting off a debt crisis. Rising deficits can cause interest rates to rise, which forces the government to borrow more money to pay the interest on its debt, which in turn puts even more upward pressure on rates, in a potentially disastrous spiral.
Another beautiful thing about the bill involves killing tax credits and subsidies for renewable energy. Because renewables supply some 90 percent of new energy capacity in the United States, and because electricity demand is rising dramatically, these components of the bill will raise household costs, with the highest spikes hitting Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, Kentucky, and South Carolina, which have huge wind and solar resources (all states that voted for The Don). Cutting the green energy initiative, while continuing to “drill baby drill” will. While other countries are expanding their green energy to mitigate the effects of climate change, we in America, are going backwards.
Then we have Vice President JD Vance admitting the expansion of ICE is the mainspring of the White House’s agenda. In a series of social media posts, he pushed back against worries about the president’s signature reconciliation bill. Nothing else in the bill mattered, he said — not debt, not Medicaid cuts — compared to securing “ICE money.” Now, the agency — which already acts like a secret police — will have an additional $75 billion to build detention centers, hire new agents and supercharge its operations.
The diabolical Stephen Miller is over the moon with the massive increase of spending on Homeland Security. It’s like Dracula being served up juicy veins to suck. There will be more chaos and pain. Sadly, maybe Americans have to lose their healthcare, see their local hospitals shut down, see more masked men take their neighbors out of their homes, experience the economy tank because of tariffs, natural disasters happen because of reduced personnel to monitor them, all the while the rich get richer to break the fever dream that is the Don.
The Grand Offal Party 