Rudy G and the Visitation

rudy giuliani in prison

The G Man and the visitation

Before we delve into Rudy G’s debacle and extraordinary descent, a word about the grand jury investigation of The Trump organization: it appears that the Manhattan D.A. is prepared to bring indictments this week related to the organization’s illegal shenanigans. For some of us who want blood, these alleged charges seem tame, but my hope is that this is the opening salvo and the beginning of unraveling of The Don’s organization. One thing is for sure: when a company is indicted on criminal charges for tax evasion and fraud, banks get queasy. Some may even decide to call in their debt. Since The Don’s organization may have more debt than assets, bankruptcy may be in its future. (Take time to smile, as bankruptcy for The Don is a close second to prison time in the “exact revenge” fantasy many harbor.) 

Given that we are moving into a new phase of the investigation, I will start each piece with an update of its goings-on. Hopefully, somewhere, someone is preparing a monogrammed XX Large orange jumpsuit ready for delivery. 

Now let’s talk about Rudy G.

This week a court concluded that “there is incontrovertible evidence” that Rudy G “communicated demonstrably false and misleading statements to courts, lawmakers, and the public at large in his capacity as lawyer for former President Donald J. Trump and the Trump campaign in connection with Trump’s failed effort at reelection in 2020.”

According to the court, Rudy G’s “conduct immediately threatens the public interest and warrants interim suspension from the practice of law.” 

After the submission of the application for suspension of his law license Rudy told the court he would “exercise personal discipline” and refrain from making further statements about the election in his capacity as a lawyer, he continued to make false statements.

How can we understand this monumental decline in someone once known as “America’s” mayor and former head of the SDNY?

  1. A small tumor is pressing on his brain and has caused “Tourette’s Fibbing Syndrome?”
  2. He was bit by a rabid dog and never told anyone?
  3. The Don has something on him that is so humiliating that his nefarious hi-jinks are necessary to avoid being outed. (Maybe a photo of him having sex with the rabid dog that bit him?)
  4. His need to be the center of attention is so great that there is nothing he wouldn’t do to sustain it.
  5. The black stuff that ran down his face during a press conference was a leakage of the black bile that has always lived within him?
  6. Joe Frazier has been communicating with him from the dead telling Rudy G that he has been voting since he died in 2011?

So, until further notice, The only Bar Rudy G will be allowed into is his neighborhood watering hole. And if we can have William Barr banned from the Bar, maybe he will pull up a chair.

Scene: Rudy G., William, Lower the Barr and the ghost of Joe Frazier at a bar.

(Rudy speaking to the bartender)

Rudy: I’ll take a triple of Jack Daniels.

Bartender: Aren’t you…

Rudy: Yes, America’s mayor.

Bartender: Um, no, the guy who just had his law license revoked,, who had that black sludge running down his face?

Rudy: Listen buddy, I know a lot of people in this town so just zip it if you don’t want your face rearranged. Capiche?

Bartender: Capiche. 

(Rudy turns in his seat and shouts out)

Rudy: Hey Barr, over here. 

Barr: Hey Rudy, how are you doing?

Rudy: Thanks for coming. Can you believe this shit? Suspending me from the bar.

Barr: Tough stuff Rudy, but I got to say you did cross over the bar a few times. (Laughs.) Here you are suspended by the Bar, at a bar, looking for advice from a man named Barr. Talk about the planets lining up.

Rudy: Glad to see you can keep your sense of humor after all of this, but since we are talking about crossing over bars, you did some nifty bar crossing yourself. I mean what you did with the Mueller report was simply genius. You neutered it. 

Barr: Thanks Rudy.

Rudy: And you did some other Bar removal stuff but somehow avoided getting suspended from the Bar.

Barr: True, but I did draw a line that you crossed.

Rudy: And the line was?

Barr: Come on Rudy, be real. I was willing to go to the mat for the president, but I drew the line at election fraud and the refusal to acknowledge Biden as president.

Rudy: Your loyalty faded William. And now I am hearing that you Esper and Milley thwarted the president’s attempt to call in the military invoking the “Insurrection Act” to quell BLM protests. Is that true?

Barr: It is Rudy. 

Rudy: You got cold feet, didn’t you William?

Barr: I love power Rudy, but I am not for overthrowing our democracy. Protest is part of democracy. I don’t particular care for those radicals but they have a right to protest. And promoting election fraud to promulgate the theory that Biden is an illegitimate president is a bar I wouldn’t cross. There was no voter fraud.

Rudy: I thought you were on my side William. 

Barr: I was for a long time, but I lost you, Rudy, at the Four Seasons press conference when the black stuff started to drip down your face. 

Rudy: Fucking make-up person…so listen William, what do you think of my chances of permanently losing my licenses?

William: It doesn’t look good. And by the way Rudy, what’s with you and Joe Frazier? 

Rudy: I have proof that the great Joe Frazier, deceased since 2011 voted in the election. And if you have proof of one dead person voting then you know there are others.

William: Proof?

Rudy: Yep. 

(The ghost of Joe Frazier appears but only Rudy can see and hear him)

Rudy: Speaking of the devil. Hey Joe, meet William Barr. Can you tell him that you voted in the last election?

William: Rudy, I think you have had a few too many.

Rudy; Come on Joe…Don’t tell me you are still angry because I keep calling you George and confusing you with George Foreman.

Frazier: Can you believe the money that man made from a stupid grill?

Rudy: Ridiculous.

Barr: Rudy, who are you talking to? It’s just me and you here.

Rudy: Joe Frazier. You said you wanted proof that he voted. So like the great lawyer that I am, I brought him in for personal testimony.

Barr: Listen Rudy, been great seeing you but I am due back on planet earth.*

Rudy: Joe, can you please tell William you voted? You’re mad at me because when I first saw you I greeted you with Muhamed Ali’s rhyme that the fight was going to be “a killa and a thrilla and a chilla, when I get that gorilla in Manila.”

Frazier: Damn fucking straight, Rudy. 

Rudy: And of course, you would have licked that pretty boy Ali if your manager hadn’t suspended the fight in the 14th round.

Joe: Damn fucking straight, Rudy. 

Rudy: I’m sorry George, I mean Joe. Really I’m sorry. William come back! I have proof that dead people voted and the results are a fraud.

Frazier: My name is Joe Rudy. Joe Frazier. You need help. Serious help.

Bartender: You okay Mr. America’s Mayor? What happened to your friend?

Rudy: He left but I have another friend. His name is Joe, Joe Frazier.

Bartender: Sure Mr. Mayor. And if Frazier is with you, Ali is behind the bar with me, saying it was “a killa and a thrilla and a chilla, when I get that gorilla in Manila.”

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