Just Another Day

So we have arrived at 2022. We had so much hope that the pandemic would be behind us by now, but that is not to be. No one can say with accuracy how many positive cases there are each day because the spread is so rapid and not all cases are reported due to home testing. We are so desperate for silver linings that only 1,500 people dying a day and a less drastic rise in deaths, relative to cases, becomes a standard for good news. Let’s hope we follow the trajectory of South Africa that showed a quick leveling off and rapid decline in cases after a month. 

And now let’s turn our attention to the other virus wreaking havoc: The Republican Party or as I like to call them the Grand Offall Party.

It was pretty astounding that there were only two Republicans present for a day dedicated to remembering the horror of January 6th. And one of them was Dick Cheney, the man who should have been tried for war crimes for starting a war in Iraq (remember the imagined weapons of mass destruction?), aka, Darth Vader! Either democracy really does matter to him, or he thought he was accompanying his congresswoman daughter Liz to a staff picnic. I mean after all, to hear Republicans’ recollections of that infamous day is to think that maybe it was just a bunch of patriots at a tailgating party that got a bit rowdy. 

The Offal Party’s reluctance to acknowledge what that they know to be true, and continue to foster the lie that the election was stolen, makes them the party of treason. Their abeyance to an ex-president, who is fascist at his core, clearly reflects their disdain for democracy and their ruthless quest for power by any means necessary: When results of elections are a matter of interpretation and a violent attack on our Capitol is just another day, we are in perilous times.

My disdain for these spineless and evil people has only intensified with each passing day. 

Since Republicans have decided to hold fast to their reality of January 6th and the threat to democracy, I thought commemorating some of them would be a way to ensure their infamy. To that end I’ve created what I am calling: Toys of Tyranny.

Let’s start with Mike Pence. Yes, yes, Mike Pence saved democracy. He didn’t cave to The Don’s pressure to not certify the electoral vote. But here is what he had to say just the other day to Fox News:

“I know the media wants to distract from the Biden administration’s failed agenda by focusing on one day in January.” 

Wow, Mike, guess people chanting “Hang Mike Pence” was no biggie? I guess your wife, who you dreamily call ‘Mother’, hasn’t always been so adoring?

To properly define in this moment infamy,  I am offering a Mike Pence doll (an evangelical Ken doll?) that comes with accessories such as: a noose, a tar and feather kit, and a guillotine. Each package also includes a quote from the person who incited the mob to kill you.

Here’s The Don on his concern about Pence’s safety during the insurrection. “I think it was an expression. I don’t think they would have ever thought of doing it.”

According to The Don “There was no downside (to not certifying). So Mike could have done that. And I wish he did. I think it would have been much better for the country. I also think it would have been better for Mike.” 

Mike, I need to ask you something. On a scale from 1- 10, 1 being least likely, how do you rate the ex-president’s concern for your safety, given how enraged he was at you for defying him and his documented need for revenge when others cross him? Do you think he would have called off his patriots when they were putting the noose around your neck or would just continue to watch it all unfold on TV? 

Our next commemorative is the “Ted Cruz ventriloquy set. This gift includes a Ted Cruz puppet and a Cruz doll. Every once in a while the puppet blurts out things that are true as if the Ted Cruz doll has no control over it. It’s best line:

“January 6th was a violent terrorist attack on the Capitol, where we saw the men and women of law enforcement demonstrate incredible courage.” 

The kit also comes with a Tucker Carlson doll that says: “Your political career is dog poop unless you retract that.”

Next up is the Peter Navaro doll which comes with a book that gives a step by step procedure to stage a coup.

Our last offering is a set of two Lindsey Graham, Mitch McConnell and Kevin McCarthy dolls. The dolls come with a video of each of them denouncing Trump after the January 6th insurrection.

Each doll is programmed to say: “That guy sure looks like me, and I hear what he is saying, but that person is definitely not me. I guess I just have a body double out there. Freaky, don’t you think?”

If you order now, not only will you receive one of our unique gifts commemorating January 6th, but you will also get a special Kool Aide mug that says: January 6th. Just Another Day!

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