Mike Pensive: To Stay Or Not To Stay?

Before we delve into Mike Pence’s Hamlet moment of: “to stay or not to stay,” let’s take a moment to sip some champagne to celebrate the Justice Department’s hauling Peter Navarros ass in for refusing to appear before congress. 

Is it possible that Merrick Garland, who at least on the surface, seems like the kind of guy who would be an antidote to insomnia, or at least be cast as “Sleepy” in the modern version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (Navarro would be a contender for Dopey!), has a pulse? That all this time he has been plotting to pounce on these insurrectionists?

I must admit, that the guy who boasted in a book and television interviews that he was one of the leading blockers in the infamous “Green Bay Sweep,” (which was merely intended to do an end around the election results and reinstate the Don, ushering in the end of democracy!) After being handcuffed and brought before a judge where he was indicted, Navarro whined: “This is not the way that America is supposed to function. They’re playing hardball.” Do you think he understood the irony of his comment?

Navarro also declared that he was ‘disappointed in our Republic.” You mean the Republic you were in the process of undoing? That republic? Rumor has it that off-mic he was heard saying: “Damn it, we were so close to taking over the country, and now I may have to go to jail because of my attempt to save America. How fucked up is that?”

Garland’s justice department also indicted members of the Proud Boys for seditious conspiracy. For the record the definition of sedition is: conduct or speech inciting people to rebel against the authority of a state or monarch. For the Justice Department to issue that indictment (which is difficult to prove) they must have pretty compelling evidence. 

Which brings us to the other part of this piece: the role Mike Pence was supposed to play in denying the orderly transfer of power. Pence was supposed to be the ultimate blocker in the “Sweep” and refuse to count the electoral votes, turning it back to the states where the results were close; this would allow an alternative set of electors supporting the Don to take the place of the legitimate ones, declaring The Don the president.

Turns out that the day before a mob of President Donald J. Trump’s supporters stormed the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, Vice President Mike Pence’s chief of staff called Pence’s lead Secret Service agent to his West Wing office.

The chief of staff, Marc Short, had a message for the agent, Tim Giebels: The president was going to turn publicly against the vice president, and there could be a security risk to Mr. Pence because of it.

If you recall, at the January 6th rally The Don ginned up the crowd with these inspiring words: “You’ll never take back our country with weakness.” At another point, he focused his inspirational oratory on Pence: “Mike Pence, I hope you’re going to stand up for the good of our Constitution and for the good of our country. And if you’re not, I’m going to be very disappointed in you. I will tell you right now. I’m not hearing good stories.”

Umm, “not hearing good stories?” Does that translate into: “if the ingrate doesn’t come around, hang the bastard?”

During the insurrection, the secret service were ready, and whisked Pence away while the crowd was chanting “Hang Mike Pence, hang Mike Pence.” Honestly, every time I write that refrain I think to myself: that didn’t really happen, did it? Not in America, can’t be! 

Pence was faced with the question “to stay or not stay?”. Pence, the patriot, decided to stay. In fact, he remained in some secret place surrounded by secret service for hours, until it was safe to return to the Senate chamber, where he insisted on finishing the certification process. Rumor has it he insisted that the secret service order in Chick Fil A while they waited the insurrection out.

According to reports, Pence didn’t leave despite being at risk because he didn’t want the world to see him fleeing; he didn’t want the world to see the Vice President of the United states of America, the “greatest democracy in the world,” driving off to some unknown bunker. Definitely a bad look for the U.S.. And to give him credit, when all the chips were on the line, this sycophant stood his ground and stood up for the constitution and the peaceful transition of power.

Rumor has it that he called “mother” (his wife) to consult.

Pence: Mother?

Mother: Are you okay Mike?

Pence: Can you believe this? After all, I’ve swallowed for this guy, he wants me hung. 

Mother: Dance with the devil, die with the devil.

Pence: Oh come on mother, now’s not the time for sermons. 

Mother: Mike, are you sure the secret service are there to protect you?

Pence: What are you talking about? Of course they are.

Mother: Don’t be so sure. The devil may have gotten to them, and maybe they are pretending to be your protectors but once you go with them they will vanish you.

Pence: Mother, I told you to stop reading those Tom Clancy novels. They fill your head with crazy ideas…Mother, do you think it’s possible…

Mother: The man wants you dead Mike, and he can make those things happen.

Pence: So if  I stay, they could hang me; if I go they could vanish me?

Mother: Quite a pickle you are in, Mike.

Pence: So what should I do? 

Mother: Stand tall and let the Lord lead you. Jesus died for his cause, and if you have to die for yours, then that’s the way it should be.

Pence: Yes mother.

Mother: I’ll pray for you.

Pence: Yes, do that mother. By the way mother, do you remember what our last meal together was?

Mother: You mean our last supper?

Pence: Our last supper. In case I don’t come back I want to remember our last supper.

Mother: I think we had had Chick Fil A.

Pense: Now that’s my idea of a last supper.

Mother: Amen to that.