It’s the culture war. That’s all the vapid Republican party is about. Divide people through grievances about how America lost its way. Rile up White Christian America, particularly rural America, and make them feel that they are being replaced by immigrants, and that Jews are pedophiles running sex trafficking rings. They want to cleanse us of this filth, and Make America Great Again.
The out of control socialist Democrats are leading us down a blasphemous, immoral path. They want gay and trans people to have the same rights as us. The Democrats want them to confront their past by teaching the true history of our country by doing crazy things like creating an Advanced Placement course for high schoolers focusing on African American history. Fifteen states now have active educational gag orders. From July 2021 to June 2022, PEN America’s Index of School Book Bans listed 2,532 instances of individual books being banned, affecting 1,648 book titles. The content in most of the banned books involves prominent characters of color, LGBTQ protagonists, or themes and subject matter related to race and racism.
We have a potential presidential candidate (over the Don’s dead body!) Ron DeSatanist, who projects himself as an anti-woke superhero, who even attacked Disney because of its embracing of “wokeness.” We have a potential Republican candidate, Mark Robinson, running for governor in North Carolina. In an article entitled “In the Gospel According Mark Robinson”, Robinson is said: ”The United States is a Christian nation, guns are part of God’s plan, abortion is murder, climate change is ‘Godless … junk science,’ and the righteous, especially men, should follow the example of the Jesus who cleansed the temple armed with a whip, and told his disciples to make sure they packed a sword.”
Fire and brimstone from the mount. The righteous world is disintegrating before our eyes. We have returned to the days of Sodom and Gomorrah. America is melting down. It must be saved!
Which brings me to that iconic saying of M&M’s: “It melts in your mouth, not in your hands.” But now it seems that with the world descending into the decadence of a Hieronymus Bosch painting, where the heat of hell lurks, that M&Ms are melting in one’s hands before they get to your mouth.
You must be wondering why I am talking about M&Ms? Before I explain, do you have a favorite color? Do you prefer peanuts or plain?
First it was Disney characters, now it appears M&M’s are in the middle of the culture war.
When green M&M traded her high-heel boots for sensible sneakers and then had the nerve to add a purple colored, larger bodied candy to its pack, it caused Tucker Carslon, our most famous fake newscaster, to melt down.
“M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous. Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal. When you’re totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity…”
Tucker, Tucker, Tucker. Who knew you were so focused on the heels of an M&M. Makes me very concerned about you. Honestly, it scares me to think of what kind of fantasy life you have. But unlike you, I won’t venture into the world of make-believe and spout conspiracy theories about an M&M sex ring (M&MAnon?) you are running in the basement of the Fox News building. That wouldn’t be fair to you, right? Unlike you, I don’t spread disinformation but…
Sadly, the Mars company decided it didn’t want to be part of the culture war and to “take an indefinite pause from the spokescandies.” However, there are rumblings that Mars may not be as acquiescent as it appears. We may have to wait until Super Bowl Sunday to find out.
Despite what Mars decides to do, rumor has it that Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert, two kick-ass, gun toting, right wingers, aren’t satisfied with the spokescandies being put on sabbatical. They are pressuring Mars to create new spokescandies that represent real America. They are insisting on a Red, White and Blue one and one that is holding a rifle. MTG is rumored to have said, those spokescandies are history unless they comply with our requests. Are they referring to a mass shooting of M&M’s?
And these days, no story is complete without inquiring into George Santos’s position on a subject. Rumor has it that he is pushing for a candy that changes color depending on how you look at it.
The Grand Offal Party 