Before we get to clowning, let’s talk about balloons. Sometimes when clowns come to parties they bring balloons. Sometimes they even twist and contort them into different shapes. We’ve all been at children’s birthday parties where a long skinny balloon is transformed into an adorable dog.
And then there are spy balloons. It seems bizarre that the Chinese would send out a big balloon for surveillance purposes given how noticeable it is, but I guess we will find out more about what its mission was when the recovered equipment in it is analyzed.
On cue, Republicans foamed at the mouth that the Biden administration didn’t immediately destroy the balloon. The Pentagon decided to take a cautious approach because the balloon was large enough that any potential debris could pose a “significant risk of civilian injury or death.” They eventually shot it down when it floated over water and out of harm’s way. Makes sense to me. Imagine the outcry of Republicans if the balloon was shot down over Montana and there were casualties. “Biden Attacks his Own Country. Impeach Him!”.
But true to form, the House Republicans are weighing the passage of a resolution this week condemning the Biden administration for its handling of the balloon.
Beyond foaming at the mouth, was MTG who tweeted that “President Trump would have never tolerated this. President Trump would have never tolerated many things happening to America.”
Funny thing about that. During his tenure it was revealed that there were a number of Chinese spy balloons that visited us, but his administration didn’t know about it. Really? Is that possible? Well, perhaps The Don did know about them, but told his Secretary of Defense to stand down as secretly he was hoping to work out a deal with the Chinese to exchange a number of intel gathering balloon visits for the rights to build a Trump hotel near the Great Wall in China?
Rumor has it that Lauren Boebert got wind of this threat in the sky before MTG and texted her gun buddy:
Boebert: MTG, get your AK-15. We have a mission.
MTG: WTF, Bobie. What’s up?
Boebert: Damn, girl, haven’t you heard about the Chinese military balloon floating over Montana?
MTG: You shitting me girl?
Boebert: Where have you been? It’s all over the news.
MTG: I was having a closed door meeting with Kevin.
Boebert: Another one?
MTG: Me and Kev are thick as thieves.
Boebert: Watch yourself girl. Kevin’s a bit slimy. I heard he was almost as upset as Tucker about the M&M candy losing her heels.
MTG: But he’s cute.
Boebert: Yuck, gag me with a spoon.
MTG: But what’s with the balloon?
Boebert: Turn on the news.
MTG: Holy shit. And we are fucking doing nothing?
Boebert: Until now. Can you sweet talk Kevin into getting us a pilot and a plane?
MTG: I can get Kevin to do anything I want. Girl, are you thinking…
Boebert: Absolutely. You game?
MTG: Born ready.
Boebert: We’re going to blow that shit out of the sky into oblivion.
MTG: If you need a bomber jacket I’ve got an extra one.
Boebert: You’re the best MTG. You and I will be heroes and in our bomber jackets we will become American icons. They will put us on stamps!
MTG: Yes, let’s do this shit. Let’s get a stamp in our honor. I am with Kevin right now. I’ll get back to you in a few once I secure the plane.
MTG: Hey Bobie, can you believe Kevin said no!
Boebert: WTF? No more secret meetings for him.
MTG: You got that right. Maybe I’ll call a vote to have him ousted as speaker.
Boebert: I’m so pissed. No fucking stamp.
MTG: Don’t worry Bobie, the time will come and we will get our stamp.
Boebert: Roger that girl!
MTG: Over and out!
Now to the clowning. Boebert took to the floor of the House and did her opening clown show act, expressing concern on the House floor that Americans own (only) 46 percent of the world’s civilian firearms, saying “we need to get our numbers up.”
Continuing on the gun theme, Republican members of Congress, Rep. George Santos and Rep. Anna Paulina Luna (among others) were spotted wearing lapel pins resembling miniature AR-15 rifles.
In the halls of Congress? WTF? What’s up with that? Turns out that
Republican Rep. Andrew Clyde from Georgia owns a gun store and has now taken responsibility for handing them out.
When some Democrats were critical of this, Clyde was tickled. “I hear that this little pin I’ve been giving out on the House floor has been triggering some of my Democrat colleagues,” he said. “Well, I give it out to remind people of the Second Amendment of the Constitution and how important it is in preserving our liberties.”
The congressman owns Clyde Armory in Athens, which makes millions selling military-style rifles, body armor, ammunition, and other weapon accessories. Rumor has it that George Soros looking to make some quick cash volunteered to work with Clyde to create a website to sell them to raise money to rescue imaginary dogs. Clyde loved the idea, and while the website is under construction, Santos has set up a stand outside the Capitol building selling the pins to tourists.
And Clyde is not the only Republican lawmaker to be handing out unusual objects as Rep. Cory Mills handed out inert grenades to his colleagues as welcome gifts!.
And what clown show would be complete without MTG.
The House Committee on Oversight and Accountability (MTG’s prize new assignment) had its first hearing in the new congressional term to investigate what it called the “waste, fraud, and abuse” of billions of dollars of federal spending amid the COVID pandemic.
MTG went for the jugular suggesting that COVID relief was spent on critical race theory—an academic study looking at systemic racism in American laws and institutions that is largely not taught below college level anywhere in the U.S.
“It’s a racist curriculum used to teach children that somehow their white skin is not equal to black skin and other things in education,” Greene told Gene Dodaro, Comptroller General of the United States and head of the U.S. Government Accountability Office. MTG then pushed a bogus claim that one elementary school in Chicago received $5.1 billion in funding, which it used for “equity and diversity.” One school? Time to go back to school to learn some math!
The Grand Offal Party 