Mr. Slushie

I have a new business idea. When I was a kid I loved slushes. For those not familiar with the old fashioned slushies (aka, Snow Cones), they are the perfect antidote to a sweltering hot summer day in New York City.  A vendor with a cart displaying a block of ice shaves the ice into a paper cone and then drizzles over it with the syrup of your choice. So cool.

So why am I wasting your time talking about slushies? Business ideas? Well, with the new and outrageous slush fund created in  a “settlement” between the IRS and the D.O.J.., The Don is ready to hand out money for restitution to people who have been the victims of the government’s “weaponization.” And who are those that were the victims of said weaponization? The rioters who partook in the January 6th insurrection? Already 400 of those convicted for their participation in it have filed for the stolen cash. Even Mike Lindell, the “Pillow Guy” has filed his request.

Here’s my pitch to all my readers and potential investors. Create commemorative slushie paper cones to honor those poor victims of January 6th-those patriots who stormed the Capitol. The cones will have a photo of each of the victims holding an American flag on the steps of the Capitol with different sayings,-my favorite is: “Hang Mike Pence!” Each cone will include The Don’s infamous mugshot. Those heroes who were involved in putting up the platform for Pence’s hanging will have a special gold leaf edition cone to honor their willingness to go the extra mile. The cones will have directions on how to make the perfect slushie, including building the perfect slushie stand and tricks on how to keep the hunk of ice really “ICE.”

Once brought to market, social media will spread the word. It will become the fastest selling product of MAGA world because it will have the Don’s endorsement (I’ll have to give him 25% of the profits for his name.) All over America, slushies will be the new craze. My mind is thinking of nothing but $$$. What do you think? Do you want to invest? Big profits to be had. Think new cars, new homes, snazzy new wardrobe, and extra money to gamble away on one of the proliferating gambling sites, which are turning half of America into gambling addicts. Maybe you think this is just a crazy stupid idea. You’re probably right. Can’t blame me for dreaming big as this is a devoted crowd, an easy target. After all, who thought Chia Pets would make it big?

The absurdity and outrageousness of the above money making fantasy has nothing over the reality of the creation of the The Don’s slush fund. Initially, The Don filed a lawsuit against the I.R.S-an agency he controls- for 10 billion dollars, because his tax returns were revealed without his permission. In essence, he filed a lawsuit against himself.  When he realized a judge would find his lawsuit ridiculous, he had Todd Blanche, his former personal attorney, now Acting Attorney General, strike a deal, a “settlement.” 

Calling it a settlement is a ruse. It is only a settlement if two parties involved lawsuit agree on an amount of damages to avoid going to court.  But when a federal judge reviewing the case, suggested there was no real case, The Don dropped it. It didn’t stop Todd Blanche from claiming the 1.8 billion slush was a settlement. Calling it a settlement renders an air of legitimacy despite it being bogus. As Groucho Marx said in the movie “Duck Soup”: ‘It’s a travesty. It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.”

And who is to decide who gets the money? A handpicked committee who will dole out the dough without any input from Congress. The Don announced “It’ll all be dependent on a committee. A committee’s being set up of very talented people, very highly respected people.” As it stands, there is no transparency, so the public is not privy to any of the transactions. According to the settlement document, the “Anti-Weaponization Fund “shall have the power to determine its own procedures for submitting, receiving, processing and granting or denying claims.” In other words, Trump can make it all up. He’s doing all this without judicial supervision, with the aim of rewarding people who weren’t even parties to his initial case and who have claims that have nothing to do with that case.

To add insult to injury, The Don and his family were granted immunity from the I.R.S. ever auditing their taxes. “FOREVER BARRED and PRECLUDED from prosecuting or pursuing” pending tax claims against The Don his family members and businesses. WTF?

For his part, The Don is flummoxed wondering what all the hullabaloo is about. “I gave up a lot of money in allowing the just announced Anti-Weaponization Fund to go forward. I could have settled my case, including the illegal release of my Tax Returns and the equally illegal BREAK IN of Mar-a-Lago, for an absolute fortune…Instead, I am helping others, who were so badly abused by an evil, corrupt, and weaponized Biden Administration, receive, at long last, JUSTICE!” The man is just a fountain of sacrifice, ain’t he?

Here’s Stephen Miller chipping in his two sense: “So many lives destroyed, so many livelihoods ruined, so many people who were deprived of their fundamental rights and freedoms as American citizens,” Mr. Miller said of the need for the fund, adding: “This settlement is just a small measure of the justice that they are owed.” Isn’t it just a mind fuck how The Don and his cronies flip reality on it’s head turning perpetrators into heroes? 

Zooming out from the mere stealing of citizen’s tax money, there looms a much darker scenario. The Don has spent considerable energy trying to rewrite American history, particularly when it comes to January 6th. He continues to push the Big Lie that he won the 2020 election. If you recall, on day one of his 2nd term, he pardoned all the rioters. Now he wants to pay them to continue the myth that they were mistreated while performing their patriotic duty, which included beating and maiming police. When you reward someone for injuring police then you have crossed over into a dangerous place. You are giving a permission-slip for more violence. With the 2026 midterms approaching, there is no doubt in my mind that The Don is cooking something up to disrupt it and perhaps invalidate it. Proud Boy Enrique Tarrio can do a lot of recruiting with a few million dollars from the slush fund.. The Don is chomping at the bit to have his own private militia. Some Republicans in the Senate seem to be outraged by his money-grab and the thought of rewarding the rioters. Is that a spine I see growing? Scary stuff.